Don't give up on an ailing sex life

I genuinely have a high sex drive, and sometimes that gift (or curse) comes with repercussions. Usually I get in a relationship where everything is hot and heavy for the first 6 months to a year, and slowly the interest in sex, at least with that person, disappears. It’s weird, because media and society have drilled into my head that men are all the same: nothing but crazed and deranged horndogs who will tell me anything to get me in the sack with them.

As the years have gone by, I’ve started to notice that the role is reversed, and I’m the one finding myself trying to get laid. What started off as a steamy, titanic styled romance, has now become nothing more than a chore. Getting teased all week, and then, I’m given sex as if I were someone receiving medicine. Short, sweet, but where is the passion? I mean, I personally would love sex 3 times a day, but even twice a week would be nice.

His intimacy issues take an emotional toll, leaving me with an overwhelming barricade to intimacy. It’s hard to find the grand gesture to spice everything up. So this past month I have been on the hunt, prowling every website, trying to find that one sentence that will cure me, or us! And after hours, upon hours of reading, I think I have come to a resolution.
Don’t Give Up.

Sounds simple, right? Well, it is.

This includes all things worth fighting for, not just sex. To me, the relationship I’m in, is, for once in my life, one I could see blossoming into a beautiful future. It is one where all my childhood fantasies about walking down a flowery aisle in a beautiful white dress, coming home to a cute cottage with a white picket fence, and growing old on the porch in our rocking chairs could possibly come true.

So why would I give that up just to get my rocks off? Well, I wouldn’t. Sex to me, is about the physical connection felt when my body connects with another as one. It isn’t just about the climax or the orgasm. It is about souls coming together to make something artistic. Realistically, having sex multiple times a day isn’t going to achieve that.  I have come to realize that just one particular encounter can keep me breathless, knees weak, and having that post-sex high, for days on end, if it’s truly meaningful.

Based on my personal experience with this, I have come up with 3 easy tips that can help you live by the “Don’t Give Up” motto.

Step 1: Express Yourself

To me, this means more than anything that could be said verbally. Use physical means to show that you see your relationship as a partnership, and that both of you are equal in it. Let your actions speak loud and clear by taking initiative around the house to fulfill your share of the daily chores, tasks or even bills. Maybe you cook, and he cleans. Or maybe you pay for groceries and he covers the cost of other bills. Whatever your agreement may be, completing all the tasks on your own is the quickest way to isolate each ‘partner’ in partnership. Then never be afraid to speak up and ask your partner for help. Maybe you had a horrible day at work, and you just want to relax instead of doing the dishes one night. Everyone is entitled to having an off day, but keeping the communication open on your end is an excellent way to ensure that you won’t be perceived as a lazy slob.

Step 2: Set Your Boundaries

With further investigation, I came to the conclusion that a huge contributor to the “dull factor” in our relationship stemmed from the suppression of basic and simple needs, namely, personal space. I can’t stress enough how important it is to have your own hobbies you can enjoy by yourself, with the freedom from your significant other. That’s not to say you can’t have hobbies together, but just that you need to remember who you are individually too, and nurture it. Not expressing yourself alone could single-handedly be the reason your flame is slowly dwindling down. For me, I enjoy writing, and taking photos, while my boyfriend enjoys reading and exercising. While we can share exercising as a common ground, I prefer to work out on my own terms and use the time to focus on my own needs.

Step 3: Spice Up Your Playtime!

My high sex drive has demanded that many of my partners ‘keep up, or get out.’ But frequent sex can become routine. The best thing to combat this type of fatigue is to try something new. Observe what makes your significant other’s head turn while you’re out in the real world together, and bring it back to the bedroom. If you are submissive during sex like me, a great trick to jump starting your romance is to dominate and take control. It may be a little outside your comfort zone, but the impression you will leave on your partner will be lasting.
Other techniques include:
* Picking up that new sex toy you’ve been eying online.
* Wearing sexy lingerie to bed that is sure to make him stop all the work he’s finishing up for the office, and come to bed early with you.
* Trying a new style of sex, like role-playing or using ‘the love dice’ to help decide what to do and how.

If you feel like things are headed down the rocky road to Splitsville because of your sex life, take the initiative to sit down and have a talk with your partner. The worst thing you can do is nothing. Don’t just let your relationship fall apart at the seams. Be open to giving feedback, as well as receiving some in return for your input. Take a look in the mirror and really evaluate what you need to change about you, what you both need to change as a couple, and what your partner could work on in order to get things back on track.
In life, you might not always have the opportunity to reach a mutual agreement, but until then, DON’T GIVE UP.
By: Sexandria