A Women's Buyer's Guice to Vibrators

Whether it’s your fortieth or your very first, there are many factors to keep in mind when choosing a new vibrator. We’ll lay it all out for you. We might even test-drive a few.

Looking for a Battery-Operated Mr. Goodbar

Eleven years ago, after being exposed to the concept of vibrators through online stores (yes, kiddies, there were online sex stores eleven long years ago!), a certain young lady (of age, taste, and randiness) decided to take her sexuality into her own hands. Thus, she marched off to the local not-so-skeevy sex store to purchase a vibrator. She took her best friend, J, along with her for (im)moral support. The first one she picked up off of the shelf was a tiny, 4” plastic vibe…but when she held it up to show him, his response was, “Honey, if one that size came along, I’d throw it back and wait for it to grow up”.

She finally ended up picking up a slightly larger one (possibly in response to J’s size-queenery), along with a vibrating egg – and found herself disappointed by both. She tried vibrators again a few years later, buying the Holy Grail of vibes, the Hitachi Magic Wand, and again – disappointment. Where was the joy? Where were these amazing orgasms that she was promised she’d have, if she only got her buzz on?

The good news is that, eventually, this certain young lady started to have better luck in selecting her vibrators. She says she now has a few that make her happy, and get her off in delightful ways that her fingers and her partners’ tongues can’t quite manage. It took some understanding of her body and what it responds to; some patience and trial-and-error; and a clear understanding of what vibrators do – the proverbial how, what, why, where, who (me, please?) and, ultimately, when?

Sadly, we can’t tell you what will get YOU off – that’s kind of an individual thing – but we can totally be of assistance with helping you understand the types of vibrators out there, and what might work best to your own desires and specifications.

While you’re browsing for vibes, wondering which one is going to come to your home to play with you, you’ll want to look at what features it has. It’s helpful to know your preferences (or at least, take an educated guess) before you shell out money for a new honey of a toy. Some things to consider include:

1. Is it too big, or too small, or (yes!) just right?

2. Do you want a hard plastic surface, something softer, or something very flexible?

3. Do you want one speed, three speeds, or a dozen? Where are the controls located, and can you use them easily? Are there vibrating patterns that you’ll want to use, or are they unnecessary?

4. Does the cost fit your budget (don’t forget to factor in the batteries!)?

5. Is it waterproof?

6. Will it clean up easily? How do you store it?

It’s useless to buy a vibrator of any kind if it’s more challenging to use it and care for than it’s worth – so remember to take all of this into account before you buy!

 

Traditional Vibrators

 

When many people visualize a vibrator, what they're thinking about is a slim-line vibe, which is also known as a traditional vibrator. These old reliables were customarily made with a hard plastic case and a cap at the base, which not only handled the on/off and speed control, but also fully unscrewed for battery-changing. Today’s offerings, however, include a variety of materials from the less-safe jelly style, through the range of safer plastics and silicones, so there are oodles and oodles of options to choose from!

The traditional-style vibes can be used for a variety of ways of getting your groove on. Obviously, many women like to have them inserted vaginally, to provide some internal buzz to the walls of the vagina and to the G-spot; however, they can also be used directly on the clitoral area, the inner and outer labia, and against the anus (though if you insert it rectally, you’ll want to put a condom on it if you plan on using it vaginally later, to prevent bacterial transmission). They also make fantastic toys for guys who like the buzz, especially against their anus or their taint (the bit of skin between the base of the scrotum and the ass), which will give them some indirect prostate stimulation as well. 

 

Rabbit Style Vibes

Made famous by a certain TV show that had something to do with women enjoying carnal knowledge in the confines of a modern metropolis, Rabbits (also known as dual-stimulation vibrators) are probably the most well-known type of vibrators out there, especially among the younger crowd. Let’s face it – they’re fun-looking, non-intimidating, and they offer both internal stimulation AND penetration, as well as an external vibrating stimulator (usually used on the clit, but can be turned around for perineal teasing).

While some do depict animal shapes - rabbit ears, a dolphin nose, a snake tongue, panther paws - others have more abstract clitoral stimulators, with shapes such as waves, flames, and so on. The shaft of each Rabbit-style vibe differs from toy to toy – some shafts vibrate, others rotate or thrust, and some even have beads that move inside the shaft for additional stimulation. 

 

 

Clitoral Vibes

 

These are the tried-and-true of the vibrator hierarchy, designed with a solitary raison d'etre: to get your clitoris to sing! And possibly do a little dance as well. Clitoral vibes come in all different shapes and sizes: the bullet or egg-shaped vibes, with or without a power pack and a cord; the curved, hand-held vibes that are shaped to literally fit your own unique contours; the power-house vibes that serve only to jar your bits with as much vibration possible; and the novelty-shaped clitoral vibes, which can either be more discreet or add a little cute factor to your private time. 

 

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