Ask the Intimacy Advisor: A Few of My Favorite Things

Ask the Intimacy Advisor: A Few of My Favorite Things

You've got questions, we've got answers! A TON of recent questions have been centered around asking for specific product recommendations, so it's time to tackle those. If it exists, I did my best to track down answers for everyone, whether we carry the product at Lover's Lane or not! From lubes to anal plugs and everything in between, read on to see what products could help solve YOUR sexual conundrums and fulfil your deepest desires, too!

Question: My wife has a toy; I’m not sure what the name is but it has the rabbit ears on it and she likes to just use the ears on herself. I have bought other vibrators but they just don’t work for her like the rabbit ears do. Her go-to toy is starting to die. What can I get to replace it that will get the job done for her? ~ Andrew

First of all, good on you, Andrew, for accepting and supporting your wife's toy use. Some guys are (wrongly) jealous or upset about their partner's toy collection, when what they need is to communicate, understand, and participate in her pleasure!

If your wife loves just the "rabbit ears" part of what sounds like probably a full-on rabbit vibe, there are a few great clitoral vibrators I can recommend to provide that same type of indirect contact and buzzy stimulation. The Le Wand Chrome Deux or Kitti Rechargeable Dual Vibe both offer the two-branch bunny ear shape in a compact size perfect for hugging the clit. They also have a powerful motor and lots of functions to give her options for sensation levels.

If you want to give her even more options for her playtime (and your partnered toy use), we have a couple double-ended vibes with separate motors for the clitoris-stimulating rabbit ears part and the insertable g-spot wand portion. The Tempt & Tease Sass Vibrator (pictured below) will probably get her closest to the bunny ears shape she loves, and the "handle" doubles as a penetrative vibe. The Love to Love O Mega Dual Ended Vibrator also gives tons of choices of how to play. I promise your wife will enjoy any of these toys, and will absolutely appreciate your thoughtfulness in replacing her current fave before it bites the dust.

Question: My partner and I are in need of a specific lube but don't know where to start. I have done a lot of online research and can't even figure out if it has a name LOL! We do a lot of anal stretching and fisting and we've decided we need the thick goopy stuff they use in the more serious stretching porn, being as that's what we do. Any chance you know what that stuff is? Or at least a comparable product? ~ Jessi

This one admittedly took me a little extra research, but I think I found what you're after. Lover's Lane carries lots of lubes specifically for anal sex, with moisturizing ingredients like jojoba oil or hyaluronan to assist with making stretching more comfortable, but I wouldn't describe any of those as "thick and goopy", haha!

I think I found what you're looking for, though, in the form of Boy Butter. Some of the main varieties are sold in tubs just like butter or shortening, and they apparently have about the same texture, too. Many of the varieties are loaded with ingredients to help make anal stretching possible and more comfortable, so I have a feeling this is the stuff you've seen in your fisting porn. Shop with caution, as some of the varieties may not be compatible with latex condoms or silicone toys, but if you're just using your bodies, most of them should fit the bill perfectly and give you that thick staying power you're after during your anal adventures. You can shop all the Boy Butter products HERE.

Question: Hello, I am a straight cis woman looking for sex toy advice. I have never had a sex toy before, but I am looking for an affordable one now. Previously, I went for over a year without having penetrative sex, and when I finally did it for the first few times it hurt like it did when I first began having sex (after that it did not hurt). With the pandemic, I haven't had penetrative sex in a while and I am looking for an affordable toy to help ease me back into it. Also, the hyper-realistic dildos do not do it for me, but I'm open to anything else! Any tips? ~KW

I can absolutely think of some affordable and great toys to help ease you back in to the sensations of penetrative sex without pain, KW...in fact, they should give you LOTS of pleasure, too. With insertable toys, especially if they vibrate, they don't have to be huge to be powerful. They can also be very effective at giving you lots of solo orgasms, while keeping your muscles and vaginal walls used to the pressures of P in V sex.

It makes sense that you're looking for affordability, too, especially if you're not sure if you're going to love a particular style of toy. The great news is, there are wonderful sex toys in all categories with a wide variety of price points, so you can find something you're curious about, start with an inexpensive version of it, then if you love it, switch to a higher end version later on.

There are a few options I would recommend for your specific needs and interests. Firstly, a non-vibrating dilator set can be a great way to slowly re-introduce yourself to penetration without pain. With graduated sizes, you can work your way up as you are comfortable. A simple glass dildo may fit the bill; too. The firmness of the glass differentiates it from a realistic dildo, and the textures, like on this Nubby Glass Dildo, can be felt as you thrust it in and out. Glass toys are great for temperature play, and can be used with any type of lube, too!

My favorite thing to recommend as a great all-around, first-time sex toy is a rabbit vibrator. These toys have an insertable portion, as well as an external branch made to stimulate your clitoris; adding clitoral stimulation may help you remain more aroused which can also make masturbation and sex more comfortable, and you'll be more likely to orgasm. The Satisfyer Mr. Rabbit Vibrator has two powerful motors and the Romp Jazz (pictured below) has one rumbly one, and they both stimulate your G-spot and your clitoris. The Adonis Rechargeable Vibrator is a perfect, non-intimidating size and has two-prong "rabbit ears" to perfectly stimulate your clit without direct pressure. Best of all, these rabbits are perfectly affordable but great quality. They'll bring you tons of pleasure while you're learning what you like, and they'll all help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and relax your vaginal walls, preparing you for (comfortable) future penetrative sex!

Question: I've been struggling with having pre-mature ejaculations. I will last approximately 2-3 mins during vaginal intercourse. Any suggestions other than edging or those Roman wipes? ~ Ricky

Great question, Ricky, and you're definitely not alone in this challenge, but you CAN overcome it! Edging can be a good orgasm delay strategy for some, but it does take a lot of practice and self-control; if you can't last long enough to get you close to climax without finishing, it's just not going to work for you, and that's OK. Roman Wipes (I had to look up that particular brand just to make sure I knew what they were) are desensitizing wipes. They usually use a numbing agent like lidocaine or benzocaine. They're supposed to dull sensation to help you last longer, but for many guys they just feel WEIRD and cause that after-dentist numb tingle in their member. Not fun!

There are plenty of great alternatives, though. Here are a few tips/tricks and products that you may want to try instead:

  1. "Unload the Gun": If you know you plan on having sex on a particular evening, make sure to masturbate once (or twice if you have a high sex drive) during the day. Having had another release or two solo during the day can help you last longer during intercourse. If you want to fap with something that feels a little more like a vagina to get more used to those levels of sensation, a realistic-feeling stroker with plenty of water-based lube may help more than your hand.
  2. Cover it up: It is possible to dull the sensation without numbing agents. Simply wearing a condom can help; don't double them up, though, or they can be more likely to rip. Buy the basic ones instead of the ultra-thin kind; they'll all feel the same to her, but the thicker kind will help dull some of the sensation for you, helping you last longer. A sleeve or sheath can be an even thicker layer between you and that intense feeling that can make you finish too soon. Even if you don't need the extra length or girth, try an extra layer like this to see if it helps.
  3. Try Prolonging Enhancements: There are plenty of products on the market that can help you last longer without numbing your junk like a Roman wipe. Neo Sensual Man-Up Desensitizing Lotion uses nano-CBD to help dull the sensation without that annoying tingle. Edge Gel for Men is made with all-natural ingredients and none of the numbing "-caine" anesthetics; it's water-based, skin-safe, and long lasting, so you can apply it hours before you might need it and still enjoy the effects!

Question: What is the best bullet toy to use? ~ Luna

Great question, Luna! Just like all sex toys, which bullet your consider "the best" is mostly up to your personal preferences, but I can offer a few great recommendations to get you started! Bullet toys are some of the best in my opinion, because of their tiny portable size & ability to deliver pinpointed POWERFUL pleasure to your clitoris or wherever else you may want it. My personal favorite bullet is the Unicorn Power Rechargeable Bullet by Evolved. It is powerful, quiet, has a great range of speeds and patterns with a simple one-button control, and a finger loop for ease of use solo or by a partner. If you want something more traditional but with even more vibration options, the Sensuelle 20 Function Silver Point Bullet will get the job done in an endless number of ways!

If you really want to treat yourself, the Le Wand Chrome Grand Bullet is a spectacular splurge that will give you a bit more versatility. I'm obsessed with the beautiful rose gold color, and the ability to use the metal bullet for temperature play. 40% more powerful than most traditional bullets, its larger size means you can insert it vaginally, too, and the soft and squishy attachments it comes with offer new sensations for your playtime.

Hopefully some of the great products recommended in this post can help you and/or your lover up your masturbation game and improve your sex life for a long time to come! There is absolutely no shame in using sex toys and enhancements to solve sexual problems or just provide more pleasure...that's why they exist, and it's a beautiful thing! Happy shopping, lovers!