Make Your Own Fireworks (...in bed)

Make Your Own Fireworks (...in bed)

Happy How-to's for Orgasm Edging and Squirting

Ah, the 4th of July.  Barbecues, picnics, camping trips, fireworks, and hopefully a long weekend!  Use that extra time you may have with your lover this weekend to explore some of your own explosive fun between the sheets.  Sure, the rocket's red glare is beautiful for a moment, but these sexy techniques will give you much longer lasting enjoyment!  Read on to learn how to light your sexual fuse through orgasm edging and learning to squirt!  

What is orgasm edging?

Edging (also sometimes called peaking or surfing) is the practice of exerting enough control to delay your orgasm right before it happens.  You engage in stimulation until you're at the very cusp and about to orgasm or ejaculate; then stop for about 30 seconds to let that buildup die down a bit, then start again.  Rinse & repeat until you're finally ready to cum, then let it rip!  Edging can be practiced by both penis owners and vulva owners; it's great for anyone who wants to prolong the experience of sex.  Basically, pretend you're on vacation and want to savor every moment and take things nice and slow.  

For some, this method is sort of a physical and mental challenge which many claim can lead to stronger, more pleasurable orgasms.  This may be because controlling your orgasms acts as an excellent workout for your PC muscles (the same ones you strengthen with kegels, which can also enhance your orgasms).  For others - penis owners in particular - it is used exactly for the reason it started; to help guys last longer.  Doctors often prescribe the practice of edging for men who struggle with premature ejaculation.  Still others engage in edging as an aspect of a kink or fetish; orgasm denial or orgasming on command can both be involved in scenes for those who are into that, and practicing orgasm edging is a way to achieve those results, usually with a very intense release when it is allowed!      

How do I practice it?

It is hard to coach people exactly through this process, because everyone will experience sensations differently and will need to try different things.  In most basic terms, you just want to do what you need to do to get yourself to last as long as possible. My favorite analogy is to picture that you're in a game show contest where you MUST take 15 minutes to blow up a single balloon...without it bursting.  You have to keep blowing up the balloon constantly (whenever you're not taking a breath), but you can release air from the balloon as often as you need...that's how you keep it from getting too full, too fast.  Only at the end of the 15 minute mark is it a race to fill your balloon until it pops!  Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint.  Ready, set, go!

It is probably easiest to ease into edging by practicing on your own for the first few times.  When you masturbate, you are in total control of the levels and types of stimulation you are receiving, so you know exactly when to stop and start again.  Get comfortable, use your hands or a favorite toy, add some lube for realistic effect, then settle in to bringing yourself to that peak of pleasure, but stopping before you go over the cliff.  Get used to those sensations, and your tells and triggers that let you know when you've passed the point of no return.  

Healthline offers some wonderful, more detailed advice and step-by-step directions here, along with some different techniques to try.  Once you've practiced edging several times in solo sex sessions, you can put your new control skills to use during partnered sex or mutual masturbation.  Hopefully you will find that it can help you achieve longer-lasting sex and more intense orgasms than ever before!  This is just one way to make your own fireworks in the bedroom; the other one is squirting!          

What is squirting?  Is it even real??

Squirting can occur in folks with vulvas.  Simply put, it is the rapid expulsion of fluid from the bladder during or adjacent to an orgasm.  Yes, the fluid comes from the bladder, but no, it's not just pee.  It is a mix of urea, uric acid, and creatinine, which are released from the Skene's gland at the lower end of the urethra.  Squirting is sometimes referred to as female ejaculation, but this is a completely different phenomena, and the name for it is problematic as it leaves out trans and non-binary individuals who are not female but can still experience ejaculation and squirting.      

As for the "being real" part, yes and no...honestly, it depends on who you ask.  Many women have experienced orgasms where they squirt, ejaculate, or both.  Scientists and doctors have studied and recorded the phenomena, so for the typical vulva owner, it is usually anatomically possible to squirt.  It doesn't, however, usually look like how it is depicted in adult films.  The squirt and/or ejaculation may not be a large, sheet-soaking volume of fluid, and it may not  jump out like water out of a squirt gun...it may be just a few drips or a trickle. So if, try as you might, you can't squirt like your favorite porn star, you're totally fine; that effect is almost always faked or enhanced.    

Wait...I can LEARN how to squirt?

It's tricky answer to this one, too.  Generally speaking, if you have a vagina, then "most likely", yes, you can learn how to squirt.  Some vulva owners never have and never will, and that's okay, too.  It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you if you've never experienced a squirting orgasm!  The Skene's Gland, which triggers this expulsion of fluid, is a different size and in a different location in every single body.  Some ladies can, some can't, and that's just how it is.

If you have achieved a "squirt" before but don't know exactly how, or want to experiment and see if you can for the first time, there is a certain approach that's more likely to get you there than any other, and that's the blended orgasm.  Just like with edging, it's best to practice solo through masturbation.  The better you know your own body, the easier it will be.  Lay down a towel, as it may get messy!  Settle in, get in the right mindset, and prepare to give yourself the most mind-blowing blended orgasm you've had in a long time!

Penetrative sex alone will not usually lead to a squirting orgasm (or any orgasm, really); it requires clitoral stimulation, g-spot stimulation, or a combination of both.  The G-spot can be stimulated with fingers (yours or your partner's) or a specially designed vibrator or weighted toy with a bulbous end to put pressure on the g-spot.  Applying pressure and stimulation to the G-spot can tickle that Skene's gland, which should produce a new sensation and the right combination of factors for a squirt!  

The sensation felt before squirting is different for everyone, though many describe it as a sudden and intense feeling of needing to pee.  If you feel that, sit with it and really focus on bringing yourself to orgasm right then and there.  If that leads to a squirt, awesome!  If not, you might need to add in some clitoral stimulation.  As sensitive as the clitoris is, it frequently needs to be stimulated to get a vulva owner to an intense enough orgasm to include squirting or ejaculation.  You can accomplish this with your fingers or a clitoral vibrator, in addition to the g-spot stimulation.  Rabbit vibes or other toys for g-spot and clitoral stimulation are also a great way to cause a blended orgasm which may lead to squirting.  Remember not to get frustrated if you can't make it happen, though...it's normal, and you may still have one someday when you least expect it!  Once you've practiced on your own, remember to get a partner involved to enjoy your sexy fireworks display!